The Aftermath
by sailor-elsa
Summary: When she defeated Pharaoh 90, a piece of her died with it. Now she's bearing the scars from the aftermath while trying to be the happy friend that everyone knows and love. She knows that everyone sees her as a ticking time bomb, and she's starting to wonder what it will take for her break. {Usagi's trauma from Pharaoh 90 in the eyes of four people}
1. Mamoru

Hello! If any of you read my other fic, I'm sorry I haven't updated yet. I started college not that long ago and I don't have as much time on my hands as I used to. Anyway, during my free time I've been re-watching Sailor Moon (on my laptop) and I just finished the third season.

I've always wanted to do a fic with Usagi dealing with the scars of Pharaoh 90 and what that did to her. Because she's resilient and happy-go-lucky but that moment was obviously very traumatic for her, because it's so rare that Usagi breaks like that. The only other time I can recall was during D-point.

So this will be about three parts (maybe four? Idk yet) about Usagi dealing with this trauma. And if you read my Usagi and Mamoru fic, I promise I'll update ASAP. I just needed a little break for a bit.

* * *

 _She couldn't breath, it felt like she was being smothered. Like when you try to take a breath on a humid day, and find it to be rather difficult. Only this **hurt.** It hurt more than any pain she had felt before, and this was after a few years of being Sailor Moon. It hurt everywhere, but most of all it hurt in her head.. and in her chest._

 _She couldn't even scream as some invisible force grabbed her body, squeezing her until she was sure she would burst. The worst part was she couldn't attack it because it was too dark, and she wasn't sure if it was even real.. or in her head. There was too much going on, and she couldn't keep up._

 _She needed to find Hotaru. She needed to save Hotaru. She needed to save Chibi-Usa._

 _But she couldn't even move. The only thing that she could see was her heart crystal. It was aching now, being out of her body for so long. Her brain didn't seem to register that if it stayed out of her body any longer she would surely die._

 _Maybe she was already dead._

 _If she was.. she was in hell._

 _That's when the screaming started._

 _It was quiet at first, a small whine. Usagi moved her head with some effort, thinking it was Hotaru. But when the scream continued to rise to a catastrophic pitch.. she discovered she was wrong._

 _It was Chibi-Usa._

 _Then another joined._

 _Mamoru._

 _Another._

 _Minako._

 _Ami._

 _Makoto._

 _Rei._

 _Even her parents and Shingo._

 _But the worst part was, she still couldn't move. She couldn't cover her ears as the voices of her loved one's screamed at her, begging her to do something. Telling her she was useless. They were surrounding her and she felt claustrophobic even though she knew deep in her mind that they were not really there._

 _But she couldn't get away._

 _She couldn't do anything._

 _So she screamed. The first noise she had allowed herself to make since she entered the depths of Pharaoh 90 was a broken scream, loud and raspy and absolutely desperate.._

 _She could only scream._

* * *

 **Mamoru**

* * *

He could only wait.

Mamoru pressed the cool rag against his girlfriend's sweaty forehead once again. She was asleep now, but she still wasn't able to get any sort of peace. Between the whining and the random intervals of crying, Mamoru didn't know which one was worse: The catatonic state she had been in earlier, or her nightmares.

Both were terrible, and he felt absolutely useless to her either way.

She was carried into his apartment on Makoto's shoulders, and he knew automatically that something had went wrong. None of the girls were able to tell him exactly what she had done, only that she hadn't said a word since she appeared on the beach. She hadn't even done so much as blink, only stare straight ahead.

She had saved the world, the senshi, and the Hotaru. They had no idea how she had done it, because they couldn't even get her to speak.

He wasn't exactly sure when her fever had started. It was probably after she fainted. The girls were trying to get her to say anything for almost a half and hour, and she suddenly fell limp. Mamoru had barely caught her before she hit the floor. Her fuku had disappeared then, and she was in the outfit she was wearing before this whole mess started.

Rei and Minako had volunteered to get her situated in Mamoru's room, and change her into one of his larger shirts- to keep her cool. Ami had checked her temperature, and his blood ran cold at how high it was.

They had all discussed the possibility of taking her to a hospital.. But Usagi hated hospitals, and this wasn't any normal sickness. Ami figured since she had forced her heart crystal out of her body, she was still fighting off the aftermath.

Maybe it would be best to let her sleep it off.

Mamoru hadn't left her side since they made that decision, and that was hours ago.

The nightmare had just recently started, but he didn't dare wake her up from whatever she was fighting. Being awake right now might actually be harder for her than being asleep.

His hand made it's way to her forehead only to find it was still unbelievably hot against his cool hand. He grabbed a hold of her clammy hand, and he pressed a kiss to her knuckles. He wasn't aware that he was crying, until a tear made it's way down his cheek and onto her hand.

"NO!" Usagi screamed suddenly, sitting up so fast that Mamoru nearly fell over.

Mamoru stared at her, expecting her to calm down and tell him what had happened. It wasn't until she pressed her hands against her ears and shook her head repeatedly, that he realized she still believed that she was in a nightmare. Only, for her it had been a reality.

He tried to grab her hands, but he moved too fast and she smacked him in the face- screaming even louder. He backed up, hand on his cheek. He was shocked, but he reminded himself that she had no idea where she was. Even if his house had become so familiar to her, like her second home.

"Usa-ko!" He yelled.

Usagi stopped, and looked up at him. Her eyes were still glazed over- and her hands were tangled in her hair. She looked at him like she barely recognized him, and she acted so animalistic that he could have fallen to his knees and cried right there. But she didn't need him to cry.

"I'm going to be sick." She groaned, hunching over.

Mamoru grabbed the trash bin and hurried over to her. As soon as he reached Usagi, she grabbed it from his hands- and he ignored the sound of her throwing up and reached over to keep her hair from getting in the way.

He winced for her as she emptied the contents of her stomach, and dry heaved. He took it from Usagi when she was done, and gingerly set it away from them, he could worry about it later. She was clutching her chest now and breathing heavy, trying desperately to remember what had happened.

"My chest hurts." She whispered.

"You forced your pure heart out of your body.." He explained. "At least that's what the girls told me, it's going to hurt for a bit so you need to take it easy."

She looked down, and her eyes still held the same un-seeing look. For a moment he expected her to break down and explain everything, like she had so many times before.

"I-I smacked you in the face." She whispered, voice raspy. "I smacked you the face, Mamo-chan." She pressed her hand against his cheek, and her eyes filled with tears.

"Its nothing." He said quickly. "I'm more worried about you."

She shook her head, and grimaced. "I couldn't.. I can't.." Her breath caught, and for a second he thought she may be sick again. "I can't save anything."

He stared at her, confused. It was such a silly thing for her to say of course, she had saved everyone. The senshi were almost certain that they were alive because of her. He wanted to grab a hold of her shoulders and keep insisting to her that she saved everything.

But she wasn't in any position to listen to any of his reassurance. Mamoru prided himself in many things, and one of those things was knowing when it was appropriate to back off.

"Hotaru-chan.. Hotaru-chan is.." She whispered, eyes widening and staring straight ahead once more.

Unbeknownst to him, the images of her barely rescuing Hotaru from Pharaoh 90 was flashing in her head. Her skin started to burn just with the memory.

"... Is alive." He finished, quickly. He couldn't deal with her being in another catatonic state. He couldn't see her like that again.

"Why do you insist in having so much faith in me, Mamo-chan?" Usagi smiled, but once again it looked more like a grimace. "I did nothing to save her life, she is an infant now and I failed her. When Chibi-Usa finds out... She'll-"

She looked up at Mamoru suddenly- eyes wide with fear, and lips quivering. He didn't understand why at first, and then she grabbed a hold of his shoulders with more strength than he knew she possessed. Her eyes were intense and her breathing once again heavy.

"Is she alive?" She asked desperately. "Is Chibi-Usa okay? Please say she is, I don't think I can I live with myself Mamo-chan.."

"She's alive." Mamoru nodded, feeling guilty that his future child currently resting in his guest room wasn't the first thing he informed Usagi about. "She's asleep, but she's fine."

"I have to see her." Usagi closed her eyes and smiled in relief.

"Usa-ko you're very weak right now, she'll be awake tomorrow." Mamoru insisted, trying to coax Usagi to lay back down but she simply shook her head and sat back up.

"Mamo-chan, I have to."

There was a hint of finality to her voice and Mamoru knew if he didn't help her up, she would get up and go to Chibi-Usa by herself. She was most likely still fighting a fever, and Mamoru didn't want to risk her fainting again.

With some effort, he helped her stand on weak legs. He leaned down and allowed her to drape her arm around his shoulder- and they both made their way out of the room and into the hallway.

The girls were waiting at the end of the hallway, and Usagi barely met their eyes. She couldn't do it right now. She couldn't deal with their disappointment. She wouldn't blame them at all if they hated her, if they didn't want her for a leader anymore. Minako had always been better at it than Usagi was anyway.

Minako went to say something to Usagi, but Ami grabbed a hold of her arm and shook her head.

When they got to the guest bedroom, Mamoru opened the door and Usagi wasted no time hurrying from his arms and collapsing in front of the bed where the pink haired child was resting peacefully. She wasn't sure if she collapsed out exhaustion or relief. But her legs ached as if she had walked miles, instead of simply down the hall.

Mamoru closed the door behind him, leaning against it, and letting Usagi spend time with Chibi-Usa. After all, she had fought hard enough to keep her alive. She deserved to see that she was okay.

"I'm so sorry." Usagi whispered, and she brushed her bangs away from her sweet face. "I'm so sorry that you had to be put in the crossfire. I should have kept you safe- I should have done more.. I should have-"

She shook her head.

"If you hate me for not saving Hotaru-chan.. I don't blame you Chibi-Usa." She explained to the unconscious child, her voice broke. "I tried my best, but if I ever get the chance I promise that I'll do better."

She reached up to brush back Chibi-Usa's hair once more, when the Mamoru's large shirt fell down a bit, revealing her shoulder blade. Mamoru's knees grew weak at the sight he was greeted with; there was a large bruise on her shoulder blade, shaped like a hand. It was black and blue, and glaring at him.

She didn't notice him approach her, until he dropped to his knees beside her. She looked over at him, eyes heavy with tears once more. Only this time, his eyes were too.

Something had happened. Something terrible, and it had left her bruised and catatonic.. and hurt. He could see now that it was more physical than he had originally thought. He wasn't able to help her. He couldn't even feel her. He couldn't fathom the fact that he wasn't able to feel her warmth her because she had been so lost in the depths of some hell, that she couldn't reach him anymore.

He couldn't stop himself. His hand found the bruise on her shoulder blade, and he gingerly placed a hand on it- making her shiver and wince. He retreated his hand, and looked at her again- this time she couldn't even look back at him. Afraid of what he might ask her.

"What happened, Usa-ko?" He asked, his voice coming out weak from keeping himself from crying for so long. "What happened in there?"

Usagi shook her head, and the tears finally escaped her eyes. "I can't tell you.. not right now, Mamo-chan. I'm so sorry."

She buried her face in his chest, and cried. He couldn't hear her, but he could feel the tears soaking through his shirt. It was so odd to him, her quiet tears. It was so unlike her not to sob or wail.. He found himself crying too, burying his face in her hair.

Whatever hell she had entered kept a piece of her as it's own.

* * *

The next morning Chibi-Usa awoke to everyone's smiling faces. Usagi was smiling the biggest of all, lips forced into a gigantic grin.

The only problem was, she couldn't feel anything.

* * *

" **JENNIFER YOU'RE A MONSTER" - you guys, maybe.**

 **Yes I truly am.**

 **I wanted to illustrate, as best as I could, what I think happened to Usagi in Pharaoh 90. There will most likely be four parts, in different POVs (not really, they are all from my POV but centered around a certain character, there's a name for it but it's been awhile since Junior English class)**

 **Q &A (just cause' I just wanna answer some possible questions)**

 **"What do you think happened to Usagi?"- I think a piece of her died with Pharaoh 90 tbh. Not that I don't think she can get it back eventually, but we see her being absolutely manic at times in the fourth season and I think that's partially due to what happened in Pharaoh 90.**

 **"Is this going to hurt?" - Maybe. Hopefully.**

 **"Are you going to kill someone?"- AHA. no, not this time.**

 **"WHERE TEH OUTERS?" - Not in this one. Sorry.**

 **(jk I love the outers. That's ^ actually me in any story based in the S arc)**

 **Please review! :D**


	2. Ikuko

_Hello again!_ _I have decided that four parts will be great for this, because I wanted to add Ikuko. After all, Usagi is her daughter and she would most likely see some sort of change in her daughter. I guess this is a little AU-ish, I mean I'm not really going with the timeline in the anime (like, Chibi-Usa's going away party or that (in my opinion) awful outers vs. usagi scene)_

 _The rating may change, just a heads up._

 _Warning(s): This chapter deals with depression, nightmares, etc. Please don't read if you may find this triggering. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable._

* * *

 _".. They call you their Messiah?"_

 _The voice was so deep she could feel it in her soul. She found herself, once again, at the hands of some brutal questioning that she could only describe as torture._

 _"I'm not." She responded._

 _"You're not what?"_

 _"Anything." She replied. "I'm not anything."_

 _Something grabbed a hold of her again, and she could barely stifle a scream as she was assaulted by an excruciating heat. She screamed out as she felt the flesh on her back burning, and a hand squeezing onto her shoulder- branding a permanent mark into her skin._

 _"They call you their future Queen?"_

 _"No!" She screamed, her voice breaking into a sob. "I'm not anything. I told you this before!"_

 _"Who have you saved?" The voice laughed. "Tsukino Usagi. Everyone you've ever loved has died in your name. Their blood is fresh on your hands, and you are a sinner."_

 _"Please stop it." She sobbed._

 _"You are nothing."_

 _"I am nothing."_

 _"You can save no one."_

 _"I can save no one."_

 _The voice laughed. "Don't you see Tsukino Usagi? They call you the one who cannot be corrupted. But look at you, following my every word." It paused, and it's words hit her so hard she was sure she may die of a heart attack. ".. You're just like me."_

 _"NO I'M NOT!" She screamed._

 _"You're a killer."_

 _"STOP IT!"_

 _Despite her pleas, the voice didn't give in. It kept taunting her with every bad thought she had ever thought of herself, until she was on her knees screaming for some sort of mercy._

 _But it never came._

* * *

 **Ikuko**

* * *

Ikuko made her way up the stairs, rubbing her eyes and stifling a yawn. She had known as soon as she attempted to fall asleep that it was going to one of _those_ nights. A night where her brain ran in circles, and her legs were too restless. After she turned for the tenth time, she figured it was time to go downstairs and drink a nice cup of warm tea.

Maybe Usagi was rubbing off on her. The girl didn't seem to sleep much at all lately. This had surprised Ikuko, but then again Ikuko found herself surprised at her daughter a lot these days. She tried to reach back in her mind to find out when exactly Usagi had changed. When her eyes had become dark and her laughter became rare.

Maybe that's why she couldn't sleep. She had been trying to figure out when exactly Usagi had left and some stranger had taken her place. Ikuko wasn't dumb, she knew that there had been a change in her daughter a long time ago. She would come home at strange hours, weird bruises, distant stares.. Around the same time Luna had come into their lives too.

But it was silly to blame something like her daughter becoming different on a cat, right? Maybe she should be more like Kenji and blame it on Mamoru. After all, Ikuko had seen red when he had broken her daughter's heart just a year prior..

But Ikuko knew better. Mamoru was a good man. He loved her daughter, and Usagi loved him with all of her heart. Maybe too much. Maybe that was the problem, maybe Usagi loved Mamoru too much.

The first time Usagi had came home early one morning, and Ikuko had found one of his shirts in her daughter's night bag.. She wanted to go and kill Mamoru. But then again, she had been young once. She would just have to trust that Usagi would be okay.

Maybe that wasn't world-class parenting, but parenting didn't come with a how-to book.

Dealing with a fifteen-year-old who was a hundred things a once, and who seemed to be becoming even more reserved and broken as the weeks went on- wasn't easy.

Ikuko was just about to enter her bedroom, and hopefully the sweet embrace of sleep- when she was stopped dead in her tracks. Her hand stopped just above the doorknob when she heard the wails of her daughter coming from down the hall. She pressed her head against the wood of her door and sighed.

Ikuko turned on her heel and hurried down the hall. She stopped just in front of her daughter's door decorated by a colorful sign with the word 'Usagi' scribed on it in beautiful lettering.

Ikuko went to hurry in her daughter's room, but the door was locked.

Not again...

She clenched her jaw so tight it hurt. This had been a re-occurring theme with her daughter this past week and Ikuko was getting more than tired of it. She clenched her fist and pounded on the door, trying to stop her daughter's cries. It was hard to wake someone from a nightmare when you couldn't get to them.

"Usagi!" She yelled, unaware that Shingo was now watching her uneasily from his room. "Usagi, we talked about leaving this door locked. It's a fire hazard and you know you're not allowed to lock your door."

Usagi's sobs died down into small sniffles, and Ikuko could faintly hear her get out of bed and walk to the door. Much to Ikuko's dismay, she didn't unlock it. She could hear her take a seat right in front of the door, and Ikuko followed her lead. She sat down in front of the door, grumbling at the fact that she had to resort with this.

"Usagi.." She said slowly, as if her daughter was still three-years-old and misbehaving. "Will you please unlock the door so I can comfort you?"

Her daughter didn't answer right away, and she could hear Luna 'meow' in protest on the other side. Ikuko could have laughed at the way her daughter, despite her tears, shushed the cat as if it had insulted her in some way.

"Please, sweetheart." Ikuko asked, begging now.

"I'm sorry." Usagi said quietly, and Ikuko didn't know if her daughter had meant for her to hear it- but nevertheless Ikuko figured that had been her answer.

"Okay.." Ikuko sighed, nodding her head even though her daughter couldn't see her. "How do you want me to help if you won't let me in there to comfort you."

No answer.

Ikuko decided to try again. "Did you have a nightmare?"

"Yeah." Came her daughter's meek reply.

"What was it about?" Ikuko asked, trying to remember what her daughter used to have nightmares about. She could only remember when Usagi was three and her daughter had nightmares about carrots chasing her through Japan.

Ikuko figured this nightmare hadn't been about carrots.

"I don't remember." Usagi said quickly. "It was just.. dark."

"Honey, why won't you open the door?" Ikuko asked again.

"I.. can't." Usagi whispered, her voice cracking. "I can't open the door, because I don't want to let anything in.. or anything out."

Ikuko's breath caught and she closed her eyes. She hadn't expected that reply from her happy-go-lucky daughter and it had shaken her more than she would admit. What had happened? When had her daughter changed so much?

"Are you mad?" Usagi whispered.

Ikuko swallowed back her tears before answering her daughter. "Usagi, if talking through your door is what makes you comfortable, I'll be here all night."

Ikuko was true to her word. She stayed with her daughter through the night, even when her legs grew tired- and her eyes grew heavy. It had taken all night for Usagi to fall asleep- and she smiled through her exhaustion when she heard her daughter's soft snores coming from the other side of the door.

She was about to get up when the pitter-patter of small feet stopped her. Chibi-Usa was staring at her, confused. They had moved the little girl upstairs when Usagi's nightmares had started. Even though the little girl was known to be vocal about most things, she had moved out of Usagi's room without so much as a single complaint.

"Is Usagi okay?" Chibi-Usa asked, big eyes full of concern. "Did she have another nightmare?"

Ikuko simply nodded and Chibi-Usa looked up at Usagi's door, and frowned. For a second Ikuko felt like the child may have known more about Usagi's sudden change than she did.

"We need to be patient with Usagi." Chibi-Usa said, a gentle smile on her face. "She just needs us to be patient with her, and then the baka will be completely fine.. She always is."

Ikuko stared up at Chibi-Usa in shock, but she nodded nonetheless. The little girl's words stayed with her that night, as she tried to fall asleep. Even though they had been true, and wiser beyond her years- the words themselves wasn't what stuck with Ikuko. The fact that Chibi-Usa had sounded so unsure of herself when she told Ikuko that Usagi would be fine..

That made Ikuko cry herself to sleep that night.

...

"Maybe she's just growing up." Ikuko's friend, Megumi expressed- taking a sip of her tea and nodding in agreement to herself. "I mean, girls get weird when they grow older you know."

Ikuko bit her lip and nodded. It hadn't been her ideal plan to go out with her friend that particular morning, but with the kids at school and Kenji at work- she couldn't just walk around the house by herself after what had happened the night before. Especially when Usagi had woken up looking even more like a ghost than ever that morning.

Breakfast was stiff and uncomfortable, with Usagi picking at her food- staring straight down at her plate.

"Kenji thinks it's the boy she's with." Ikuko said suddenly.

Megumi made a noise in the back of throat and rolled her eyes slightly. "Yes, well ever since Usagi-chan was little he's been blaming things on boys."

Ikuko stayed silent.

Megumi's face grew serious and she set her tea down, frowning slightly. "You don't think that it's a boy, do you? I mean- didn't you say that she's been with that one boy for a few years now."

Ikuko shrugged, and looked out the window- at the busy streets. She took a deep breath before continuing, "she's with him a lot. Kenji doesn't really know, but I do."

Megumi had chosen a bad moment to take a sip of her tea, because she nearly choked when Ikuko finished her sentence. She placed a hand on her chest, and coughed for a few seconds before staring at Ikuko like she just said the most ridiculous thing to her.

"You don't think she has-"

Ikuko's eyes widened and her cheeks turned red. Oh, yeah.. That was a possibility wasn't it? She didn't really imagine her daughter being anything but the innocent little girl who blushed when she even talked about a boy. She wouldn't possibly..? But then again, Usagi seemed to shock her a lot these days.

"You don't think she's pregnant do you?" Megumi asked, very quietly so no one in the crowded café would hear them. Leave it to Megumi to bring up something so sensitive. The woman wasn't known for holding back.

"No!" Ikuko said, rather loudly, earning a few glances from the people around her. "He- The boy she's with is a gentleman, and very intelligent. He wouldn't do anything she wasn't ready for."

Megumi smiled apologetically and nodded. "Do you think she's depressed about something? When did this personality change start?"

Ikuko leaned back and shrugged once more. "I don't know. She's been changing so much ever since she was fourteen, it's like I'm losing a piece of my daughter. But she's just been different ever since a couple weeks ago. Even her friends notice it, they're always trying to get her out of the house. Her boyfriend is treating her like she's porcelain, and Chibi-Usa-chan who is always very critical of Usagi.. even she's being careful around her."

Megumi sighed. As someone who had known Usagi since she was very young, hearing that the normally peppy girl was becoming so withdrawn.. well, hurt.

"Ever since that cat came.. It seems she's becoming so different." Ikuko said quietly, she grimaced. "But that's pretty silly, isn't it?"

Megumi reached over to place her hand on Ikuko's. "With all do respect, a couple weeks ago there was a gigantic hole where Mugen Academy used to stand, and people were getting attacked by things that stole their hearts. Weirder things have happened here.."

...

Ikuko, once upon a time, actually knew her daughter's after school routine. First, she would leave school and maybe stop at the arcade or the café with her friends. If she didn't do either of those, she would most likely be at Rei Hino's house. Either way, she would never come home right away.

That, Ikuko noticed, wasn't the case anymore. She came home earlier, and stayed in her room for most of the day until dinner. Ikuko wasn't exactly sure what she did in there, but she suspected she most likely took a nap.. or maybe she did her homework, but Ikuko knew that was rare.

According to Megumi, the best way for Ikuko to get through to Usagi was to try to spend some time with her. It was an extremely easy plan, but Usagi wasn't an easy girl. Nevertheless, she still arrived home before Usagi got off from school, and made Usagi's favorite treats- placing them on the table with extra care.

And then like clockwork, she heard the door open and her daughter's quiet announcement of, "I'm home."

"Come in here, Usagi- I have a surprise for you!" Ikuko said happily, wiping her hands on her apron and waiting for her daughter to come and eat all of the treats she had made for her.

Usagi's eyes widened when she turned the corner, and Ikuko smiled to herself. Of course, the way to her daughter's heart was her stomach. She would have her daughter back to herself in no time.

"Mama.. What's all the food for?" Usagi asked.

Well.. That didn't sound happy at all.

"It's for you, silly!" Ikuko smiled, hurrying over to her daughter and grabbing her arm in an attempt to get her to sit down at the table. The blonde girl obliged, as her mother pulled the chair out for her to sit. "I just thought since you are feeling down maybe a little bit of food will help you feel better."

Well it was that, and the fact that her daughter seemed to be wilting these days; with her chalky skin, dull eyes, and the fact that she was obviously losing weight. In fact, Ikuko didn't seem to remember her daughter even finishing dinner for the past few nights.

"I- Mama.." Usagi mumbled.

"You don't like it?" Ikuko frowned.

Usagi's eyes widened, at the thought she may have hurt her mother's feelings. She shook her head and smiled at her mother, but the smile didn't seem to reach her eyes. "Mama, I love it. It's very nice. It's just that I really don't feel very well and I don't want to hurt your feelings."

Ikuko frowned. Usagi's words sounded so rehearsed, so formal.. and nothing like what her daughter would say. Ikuko took a seat next to Usagi, and grabbed a hold of her daughter's hand. Usagi stiffened at the touch but she turned to look at her mother anyway.

"Please tell me what's bothering you." Ikuko said, there was no sense beating around the bush. If she wanted to get anything out of her daughter she was going to have to be direct. "Just tell me, and I won't ask about it again.. I won't judge you."

Usagi opened her mouth only to close it once more, she looked away, and for a moment Ikuko thought she may actually tell her what was bothering her. But she shook her head, much to Ikuko's dismay. She then realized this was going to be a bit harder than she thought.

"You- You're not pregnant are you?" Ikuko asked uneasily.

"What? No!" Usagi gasped.

"Okay, just.. making sure." Ikuko said slowly.

They both fell silent.

"Why can't you tell me, Usagi?" Ikuko pressed on. "Did someone hurt you, are you in danger? You've locked your door every night, and then wake up screaming due to nightmares. I just want to know what happened. Please."

Usagi shook her head. "I can't.."

"You can't what?"

"I'm sorry, but I just can't!" Usagi snapped, and on a normal circumstance Ikuko may have yelled at her daughter for such a tone. But when Usagi angrily swiped at her tears, she knew it was better just to let it be. "I wish I could tell you mama, but- I don't really know myself."

Ikuko nodded, and squeezed her daughter's hand. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah." Ikuko smiled, even thought she could feel tears clouding her vision. "If you don't want to talk about it, we won't talk about it. When you're ready.. I'll be here."

Usagi nodded, and Ikuko reluctantly let go of her hand. Without another word, Usagi got up and walked out of the dining room. She couldn't see her, but she heard Usagi's soft apology before the girl hurried up the stairs and to her room.

Only when Ikuko was sure Usagi was gone, did she allow herself to cry.

...

"Ikuko-mama.." Chibi-Usa whispered, shaking Ikuko gently.

Ikuko opened her eyes, to see Chibi-Usa standing above her- eyes desperate. She sat up quickly, mind trying to figure out whether or not she was sleeping. She looked over to Kenji who was still happily snoring away. She raised an eyebrow, and before the little girl could explain why she woke her up.. She got her answer.

Usagi was screaming again.

"Ikuko-mama, it's really bad this time." Chibi-Usa said, worry for Usagi clear in her voice. "I wanted to go in there, but she's crying really bad."

Ikuko nodded, and ruffled Chibi-Usa's hair before getting up and following her into the hallway. Sure enough, she could hear Usagi sobbing- and screaming. Only she was actually _saying_ something this time. It took some time for Ikuko to gather her wits and walk down to her daughter's room; Chibi-Usa stayed back hesitantly

She was fully expecting to find the door locked, but much to her surprise- she was able to open the door to her daughter's bedroom.

Her daughter was stiff in the bed, holding onto the blankets until her knuckles were white. She moved back and forth, mumbling something and crying out. Ikuko hurried to the child, and grabbed a hold of her arms in an attempt to keep her from hurting herself.

The girl sobbed louder then, and Ikuko gently shook her daughter in an attempt to get her to open her eyes. "Usagi, come on wake up! You're just having a bad dream!"

"I am nothing!" Usagi screamed, sitting up quickly and sobbing.

Ikuko stared at her, eyes wide. She wasn't expecting such words to come out of her daughter's mouth. Maybe some silly dream about carrots, or a monster chasing her or something that most young girls had dreams about. But to hear her daughter say something so demeaning about herself wasn't something she expected.

Usagi took ragged breaths, hand pressed to her chest. Ikuko continued to stare at Usagi, mouth open just slightly. Her other hand, rubbed her daughter's back gently.

"It was just a dream." Ikuko said slowly.

Usagi shook her head again and sobbed. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.."

Ikuko didn't know who she was apologizing to, but her daughter kept repeating it until it was a mantra. Ikuko was so focused on her, that she didn't see Luna jump on the bed in an attempt to comfort her owner.

"It's okay." Ikuko said, voice cracking at the sight of her daughter in so much pain. "You're okay, sweetheart. There's nothing here that's going to get you."

Usagi looked over at her mother, eyes bloodshot and wide.. As if she just recognized that her mother was in there with her. She shook her head, and took a shaky breath.

"I can't save anything."

"Sweetheart.." Ikuko whispered, tears now freely running down her cheeks.

"I am nothing!" She yelled.

Before her daughter could degrade herself any longer, Ikuko gathered her daughter in her arms. She held onto her like she was still a toddler, she leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. Her tears fell down her cheeks and on Usagi's. She allowed herself to cry along with her daughter, because she had no clue how else to help her obviously distraught child.

Only after she calmed down, did Ikuko allow herself to speak.

"Darling.." Ikuko whispered. "You are everything."

Ikuko Tsukino didn't know what had hurt Usagi, but if she did she would pull it from whatever hell it came from and beat it until it couldn't hurt her anymore. But she didn't know. So, until she did, she was going to make sure that her daughter knew her worth.

* * *

 **PHEW, that took me a day :p**

 **Anyway, I have to back to school for the week and I wanted to finish this. I felt that Ikuko deserved her own chapter because I'm sure she doesn't know what is wrong with her daughter, but she knows that something has changed her.. Something bigger than she knows.**

 **Please review.**

 **Next chapter is 'Usagi's' perspective.**

 **It may hurt a lot.**

 **Sorry.**


	3. Usagi

_Sorry for my absence I have a lot going on lately and the winter season has really made me depressed, so writing hasn't really been on my mind. That being said, I've had this done for awhile. I'll be update more in the spring, I promise. My spring break is in two weeks so expect more from me._

 _I really want this chapter be really good, because it's Usagi's chapter and it has to explain a lot, you know? That being said, I put Usagi in a *really* dark place. Because I think a piece of her was lost, and it'll get a little dark. That being said, if you feel that darker themes can trigger you.. Do not feel bad if you must stop reading this story. I would rather you stay in a good mental place than read my story._

 _WARNING(s) (THEY'RE ACTUALLY KINDA IMPORTANT THIS TIME): Suicidal thoughts, as I sad Usagi is in a dark place in this chapter and if that triggers you please **do not read**_ , _also mentions of sexual content- it doesn't **GO** there (no enough to change the rating) but it's heavily implied._

* * *

 _"Everyone you've ever loved has left you, over and over.." The voice chuckled._

 _"I know." She answered, voice like steel. "I know that."_

 _"But yet you keep making them come back, you make them stay with you. Even though you know it will ultimately lead to their destruction...their death." The voice continued, "you're a selfish girl, Usagi Tsukino."_

 _Despite the putrid heat that surrounded her, she felt eerily cold once she processed those words. The voice was coming from all around now, and she wasn't entirely sure who to answer to anymore. She simply shook her head, clenching her fists and looking down._

 _"Your soul-mate had left you in order to ensure your protection and you can't even do the same to him?" The voice questioned, with mock interest. "You insist on having him chained to you, even though you know deep down.. He'll never love you like Endymion loved Serenity."_

 _Her breath hitched at the words. Her deepest insecurity- and it was put out on the table.. Right in front of her. She shook her head, trying to find the right words. "He loves me." She said lamely._

 _"How do you know?"_

 _"He- He does." Usagi whispered._

 _"Whose to say he won't find someone prettier, smarter, kinder.." The voice listed. "Someone who won't put his life in danger. Someone who can protect themselves."_

 _"Please.." She was begging now._

 _"After all, Usagi Tsukino, everyone you love has died." The voice repeated. "So whose to say, he won't die for you again. Only this time, he may never come back.."_

* * *

 **Usagi**

* * *

She rolled out of bed with a yell, falling to the floor in a heap of blankets and flailing limbs. She looked at the ceiling, glassy-eyed and breathing heavy. It took her a minute to register that she was fine. She was at home, everyone was fine.. Although the voices from the nightmare were still raging in her head.

It took another moment to realize her stomach was turning viciously, and there was a lump in her throat.

She hurried to stand, almost tripping on her own feet as she hurried down the hall and to the bathroom- where she fell to her knees in front of the toilet, throwing up the remainder of her dinner that night.

She gasped as she backed up, leaning against the wall and trying to catch her breath, but all that came out were breathless sobs. Her chest felt constricted, and her head was spinning with the voices of her nightmares. It was repeating itself over and over, and she felt like she was going to go mad.

This was a panic attack she was sure of it.

"Get a hold of yourself." She mumbled, smacking herself gently with her fist. "Get a hold of yourself. It was just a dream... Just a dream."

'But was it?' A part of her asked. Was it really a dream when it rang with so much truth? Mamoru did deserve better than her. He could get better than her, and who was to say one day he wouldn't just realize that and not settle for someone as useless and painfully average-looking as she was.

How many times had he saved her? How many times had she watched him die, the light from his eyes fading and his beautiful soul leaving his body to find some place she couldn't reach.

He had been willing to give her up.. When his nightmares were warning him of her death, he had been willing to give her up. But she wouldn't do the same to him. He had died in her arms before, and she couldn't be selfless enough to unchain him and let him go.

What was her reason for keeping him chained like this?

"Usagi?" A small voice said on the other side of the door, knocking gently. It was Chibi-Usa. "Usagi, are you alright? Did you have a bad dream again?"

An answer to her question. Chibi-Usa. If Mamoru and Usagi weren't together, Chibi-Usa would cease to exist. This was a fact that both reassured and hurt Usagi even more. Mamoru had to stay with her. Even if it was out of obligation.. He had to stay with her.

That hurt Usagi more than she would care to admit.

Usagi sighed and leaned her head against the wall tile. "I'm fine Chibi-Usa.." She said, although her weak voice said otherwise. "I just.. Don't feel well."

"I'm coming in." Chibi-Usa snapped.

Before Usagi could protest, Chibi-Usa opened the door- hurrying in and shutting it behind her. She took one look at Usagi and her face went from obvious aggravation, to something Usagi rarely saw on Chibi-Usa's face when it came to her..

Sympathy.

Of course, she was a sight. Pajama shirt falling off of her arm from her recent weight loss, dark circles around her glassy eyes, messy hair, knees to her chest while she gently rocked herself in order to calm down. She looked crazy, and if she needed any reassurance of that fact it was written on Chibi-Usa's face.

"You look terrible, baka." Chibi-Usa mumbled, but her voice rang with sadness. "You know if Ikuko-mama saw you, she would cry."

Usagi shook her head. She was making her mom do that a lot lately. Not on purpose, never on purpose. Come to thing of it, everyone was treating her like glass

Usagi looked down at her skin, maybe she was becoming glass.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" Chibi-Usa asked. "Why are you acting like you're okay, and not letting anyone help you and then having nightmares in the middle of the night. Why aren't you eating?"

Usagi clenched her jaw, looking away from her future daughter and feeling too much like she was being scolded by an eight-year-old. There were too many answers.

Everyone expected her to be okay, that's what they needed her to be. She didn't even know how they could help her, because she didn't know what the hell was wrong with her anymore. She's having nightmares after she exposed her soul to something she can only describe as the devil and it left her broken. She's not eating because she knows a nightmare will wake her up in the middle of the night and she'll throw it up anyway.

But she couldn't say all of that, to someone as innocent and pure as Chibi-Usa. She couldn't tell her how her soul had become tainted even though everyone swore up and down she was the messiah of everything good.

She couldn't do that.

"I don't know." She responded.

"WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID?" Chibi-Usa practically wailed, stomping her foot like a child about to throw a fit. "Why are you so stupid, Usagi? Why are you trying so hard to act like everything is okay? Why don't you care.. Why are you pushing everyone away?"

Usagi shook her head. "I don't know."

"I hate you." Chibi-Usa snapped, tears streaming down her sweet face. "I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.."

Usagi stood now, staring down at the little girl and grimacing slightly. "You want to hate me? Fine. Hate me. But don't hate me for this.." At this point, Chibi-Usa had fallen quiet. "Hate me because I couldn't protect you, hate me for that. Hate me because I couldn't save Hotaru-chan."

"What do you mean?"

"Hate me all you want, Chibi-Usa.." Usagi whispered, her voice catching. "Cause' I hate me too.."

* * *

Her teacher seemed to realize something was wrong, which Usagi found kind of amusing. Maybe it was because she had started coming to school early- so much so she was the first one in the classroom. She seemed to notice that Usagi wasted no time chatting with Naru in the hallways or running in late, breathless but all smiles.

Maybe she noticed how Usagi barely picked at her lunch these days, eyes gazing out the window. She could have even noticed how Usagi ignored Makoto's over-enthusiastic offers of going to the arcade after school and Ami's reminders that she should study instead.

She must have noticed something, because for the first time in her school career she didn't get scolded for falling asleep, and she didn't even get scolded for waking up from that nap in a hurry- gasping so loud that everyone in the room looked at her.

She only got sympathetic glances from everyone around her, and her pale cheeks didn't even turn bright pink from the attention.

She only rested her head against the desk once more.

* * *

Usagi managed to sneak in the house without her mother and father's attention. If she had to be happy about anything, it would be that. She had purposely woken up early that morning, in order to ignore their questions and Chibi-Usa's upset glances from across the table.

It had been that way for weeks now.

Her mother would just shake her head at Usagi, but she knew that her heart was aching for her older daughter. She knew that her mother had spent many nights crying over it.

Her dad would just blame it on Mamoru. Which seemed to make Usagi more mad than their questions. She would usually leave the table at this point.

So being able to avoid everyone was a Godsend.

She hurried up the stairs, and to her room- tossing her bag on the floor and flopping on her bed.. She tried to get cozy, with the intention of taking a nap. Maybe if she just slept for a half-hour- Maybe then she would be able to rest without nightmares...

She closed her eyes, and prayed that maybe she could finally get some rest.

* * *

She was wrong..

So wrong..

Her thirty minutes had turned into hours, and before she knew it she was bombarded by the same nightmare she'd had the night before, only this time it had been more violent. The voice had screamed in her ear, it had ripped her friends apart, right in front of her. Only she couldn't move.

Just like almost every time before, Usagi sat up- mind dizzy and confused from her nap and absolutely terrified. She took deep breaths, her head pounding with each one and tried to remind herself that she was just dreaming. She was just dreaming. Her hand went to her drenched forehead, and tried to make her head stop aching if only for a moment.

She looked around; she must have missed dinner and her mother didn't think to wake her up. That, or maybe she had grown so tired of the ghost she had become that she simply found it for the best.

Usagi couldn't fault her either way.

She took a deep breath, and smiled a bit. She had been able to calm herself down much quicker this time, maybe she was actually getting better. It could be a sign that this whole thing was ending and she was becoming herself again.

She stood on shaky legs, making her way to her mirror- in order to take her hair out of her buns, and take off her uniform. At least maybe now she would be well-rested, because when she looked at the clock and saw that it was midnight she realized she had slept longer than she had in weeks.

She looked in the mirror, and ran a hand across her flushed cheeks. She reached her hand up to take the pin that was holding her bun together- retrieving it from her blonde locks and reaching down to sit it on the dresser next to her..

When she looked back in the mirror, she wasn't looking at herself any longer. She backed up a bit, her hands in front of her in case she needed to attack- her mind mentally preparing itself to find her broach and transform into Sailor Moon.

Only the girl in the mirror was her, she realized. It was her. Her after leaving Pharaoh 90. Eyes blank, hair messy, dirty, cut up, and fuku ripped and torn more than it ever was before. It was her standing there, looking through the mirror. Despite her blank eyes, the Usagi in the mirror was still judging her.

"What?" Usagi gulped, as she stood up straight and walked over to the mirror once more. It was more out of curiosity and if Luna was with her instead of out on her nightly walks- she would have surely gotten scolded. "What are you?"

Usagi placed her hand on the mirror, and the reflection on the other side mirrored her movements, proving that she was indeed a reflection. "Are you me?"

She stayed that way for awhile. She stood just watching the reflection in disbelief. Maybe it was harmless.. Maybe it was just part of her imagination.

Then it grabbed her arm.

Usagi screamed as the Sailor Moon on the other side held onto her arm, a dark smile spread across her face. The reflection laughed as Usagi tried her best to free herself, trying to jerk her arm away. It hurt much like it did in Pharaoh 90, the feeling of a burning hand grabbing her delicate flesh.

"You can never escape this nightmare, Tsukino Usagi." The voice, her voice said- growing deeper and more like the voice she heard in her nightmares. "You can never escape, because I am you..."

"No!" She screeched.

She reached her free hand out and punched the glass, the mirror bursting in hundreds of pieces and effectively relieving her hand of the hold the mysterious image had on her.

Usagi fell to the ground, staring at the broken mirror, horrified. She backed up, sobbing as she put to much weight on her now bloody hand. She lifted her hand in front of her face and examined it in disgust.. What would her mother do? Surely she had heard Usagi scream, and the sound of glass breaking?

She had to go.

Usagi stood up on shaky legs, and hurried out of her room. She had to go somewhere. She didn't know where but she had to go somewhere. She couldn't let her mom know that she was so far gone that she was seeing things in the mirror now. She couldn't let her know that she was bleeding from punching an image that may or may not have been there.

"Usagi?" She heard her mother's frantic voice when she reached the stairs. She could see her staring at her from down the hallway, eyes probably concerned. "Usagi what happened?"

She ran.

* * *

The city sidewalks weren't as busy as they usually were. Mostly because it was cold outside, with flurries falling from the sky. The people who were still out didn't seem to pay much mind to Usagi; they simply sent the fifteen-year-old odd looks at the fact she was still wearing her school uniform even though it was midnight and freezing outside.

Usagi didn't pay much mind to the cold, despite the fact her legs were red from the chill. She simply kept her gaze straight ahead, walking aimlessly and trying to figure out what the hell had happened. Trying to figure out what she would tell her mom, because she would surely send her daughter to some sort of psychiatric ward after this.

She shifted her bleeding hand with a wince, tucking it beneath her arm- paying no heed to the fact that uniform was becoming stained with crimson.

After walking for awhile, she finally came across a lone bench. The blonde walked over slowly, slumping down on the bench and staring out at the busy road.

Only when she sat down did she allow herself to cry, lifting up her knees to her chest and burying her face in them. She cried harder than she had allowed herself to do for weeks. Deep sobs coming from her chest, and desperate gasps as she tried to get herself to calm down.

Everything was terrible.

Everything was supposed to be normal after Pharaoh 90 was defeated, and everything was.. For the most part. Everything was normal except for her. Her pure heart had been exposed to Pharaoh 90, and now she was tainted. Her heart that brought forth so much love and bravery, felt dark.

Happiness was hard to find, her days were growing darker, the nightmares wouldn't stop, and now she was hallucinating.. It was starting to seem like she would never be the same.

She would never be the same, and she just wanted everything to stop.

She looked up at that thought, watching the busy street in front of her. The cars that wouldn't be able to stop in time if she were to walk into the road. A way for everything to stop.

A soft smile spread across her face as her glassy eyes watched the street in front of her. It was starting to sleet now, cold, wet ice freezing her to the bone. "I just want it to stop." She whispered.

Then Usagi stood.

She stood, and she looked down at her feet- feeling like she wasn't part of her body anymore. The blonde moved slowly towards the edge of the street, thinking about how everyone would be happier. She had become such a dark cloud that everyone had started treating her like glass.

Again, maybe she was glass.

She was standing on the curb now, her foot hanging off just the slightest. She could feel the wind from the cars as they drove past her, paying no mind to the young girl who was lost in her own thoughts and willing to take her own life just to free herself of whatever was wrong with her.

She stepped off the curb.

For the second time that day someone grabbed her arm. This time the touch was much more warm and gentle, Usagi blinked a few times- now realizing what she was just about to do. She gazed wide-eyed at the road, and then she turned her head to the person who had grabbed her hand.

Of course it was him..

"Mamo-chan." She whispered, her voice soft. She wasn't angry, or even relieved. Usagi should have known that he would come and save her, he always did.. And she couldn't do the same to him. "I knew you would save me."

"I can't believe I have to," he said roughly- but she could hear his voice tinged with something like panic, or sadness. "We need to get you somewhere warm.."

She made no protest as he pulled her onto the sidewalk, took off his jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders. She simply let him lead her to his apartment.

* * *

"Yes, she's with me Tsukino-san.." She heard him say from the hallway, his voice was gentle and polite despite the fact Usagi could have very well died. "I found her on a bench.. Yes, she's fine now. If it's okay with you, I'll make sure she's settled for tonight."

There was a pause, and a slight chuckle from Mamoru. "No, I'll sleep on the sofa don't worry."

Usagi listened as Mamoru bid her mother goodnight. She looked down at her hand, that had subdued down to a small trickle of blood. Her eyes were red from crying, but at least she was feeling warmer now- with Mamoru's blankets around her, hair down, and clothes on the floor.

Years ago she would have blushed at the thought of Mamoru seeing her in her underwear. But since she had been so cold, and her clothes were soaking wet, neither of them seemed to care.

"Let me see your hand-" Usagi looked up to see Mamoru standing in front of her, eyes set on her bleeding hand. He was holding a roll of gauze and medical tape. Usagi held out her hand slowly, and Mamoru grabbed a hold of it. "Your mom said your mirror is busted."

"Yeah." Usagi said quietly.

He wrapped her hand up with the gauze, and bit a piece of tap off. Usagi watched his longer fingers work on her hand, mesmerized by the way his gentle hands moved so slowly. "Did you break it?" He asked.

Usagi looked up, blushing since she had grown so enchanted by his hands. "Huh?"

"Did you break the mirror, is that why your hand is bleeding?" He asked again.

"Oh.." She nodded. "Yeah."

He gently placed her hand down, but his eyes were still on the blankets. She could see his dark blue eyes focus, like he was working on some kind of equation. "Why'd you do it, Usa-ko?"

"I don't know." She whispered.

"Please.." He said, and she could hear the tears in his voice. "Just tell me why I almost lost you tonight. Just tell me why if I would have been a few seconds slower, I would be looking at your dead body right now."

Her heart was aching now. What a selfish girl she was. She had been fully prepared to end her own life just to feel again- just to be happy. She thought she was making other people happy, but the truth is she would have just left them broken- and she would have not only ended her life, but Chibi-Usa's too.

"What did I do?" She whispered, looking up from her bandaged hand. "I-I almost killed myself, Mamo-chan. I almost killed Chibi-Usa. What did I do!?"

Her voice was frantic, and she practically sobbed the last sentence. She grew quiet staring into Mamoru's concerned eyes, and placing her non-injured hand to her quivering mouth. She couldn't keep her sobs at bay as they once again took hold of her small body, and she hunched over in despair.

She could barely look into Mamoru's eyes again, as he placed his gentle hands on her bare shoulders. When she finally looked up she saw his sympathetic blue eyes staring into hers. "You just need to tell me what happened tonight, Usa-ko. I need to know what you're feeling, because lately no one knows what's going on with you."

"I have nightmares every night, at the same time- and everything he says is true." Usagi explained. "I try to act like it's just a silly dream, but every word he says is true."

"What kind of things does it say to you." Mamoru asked, a bit uneasily. The last thing he wanted to do was make Usagi break into another fit of sobs. His heart couldn't bear that.

"That I let everyone die- that I always let everyone die." She whispered, shaking her head. "That I can't save anyone.. That I'm selfish for binding you in this relationship.. A relationship where you die for me over and over."

Mamoru was shocked by her words, only because he hadn't expected her to be so open to his question. He realized that he hadn't expected such an answer.

"Usa-ko.. You know that isn't true." He said quietly, his hand caressing her cheek. "I would die for you over and over, I love every moment I spend with you. I feel like my life had never truly begun until I met you."

"I don't want anyone to die for me." Usagi whispered, looking down at her clenched fists.

"..And we don't want you to die for us." Mamoru continued. "We never want you to have to be the last one, the one thrown in the middle, Usa-ko. But it's always that way. You do that, for us."

"Mamo-chan-" She finally looked up at him, bright blue eyes full of unshed tears. "I just want it to stop, I just want to be able to feel like myself again."

"You will, I promise that you will." He vowed. "But please, Usa-ko, don't think that it's ever okay to end your life."

"I won't. I promise."

"We all love you too much." He responded.

She wasn't looking at him anymore, she was staring at his lips now. Hands finding their way to his forearm. Before he could respond, her lips were on his. He made a noise of surprise in the back of his throat, but he quickly recovered and kissed her back with equal enthusiasm.

She felt a cold chill run down her body, when his hands found her bare waist. He was now sitting on the bed- and she pulled away for a minute, much to his dismay.

"Mamo-chan, I love you.." She whispered, and she felt almost embarrassed by how needy she sounded to her own ears. "Please I love you so much, just help me feel something- anything."

He sighed, pressing a kiss to her forehead- and she let out a weak gasp when his lips trailed down her face until he reached her neck. She clutched onto his shoulders as he moved on to her collar bone- his hands fumbling with her bra. When he finally got it off, she shivered slightly- the feeling of how bare she was, finally washing over her.

He moved down to the top of her bare breast, making her feel like she was truly going to melt. Her hands fumbled with the buttons of his shirt, but she found herself growing even more distracted. When she finally reached the last button, Mamoru discarded the article of clothing with more carelessness than she had ever seen from him.

But his carefulness with her, made her feel at home.

It hadn't been the first time, but there was something about that night that had made her feel alive. Maybe it was her feeling of neediness, or the fact that it was the first time she had felt something other than hopelessness.

But for the first time, she felt something.


End file.
